chumbawumba
pause and creation
Chumbawumba is mostly known for one song, “Tubthumping", with its iconic chorus, I get knocked down / But I get up again / You’re never gonna keep me down. It turns out they are also anarchists? Which, yeah, pretty sick! But anyway, you know the song! I thought about it today when it comes to writing and creating work publicly. I require moments of pause. It’s even in my Human Design, with my Incarnation Cross being Right Angle Cross of the Sphinx 1/2 |7/12. I think often of this quote from Richard Rudd about Gene Key 2:
All true creativity is rooted in patience, and yielding.
I like to protect my vulnerability sometimes. I know that’s where my magic is. But sometimes I need it just for me. And whew boy, the portals I have been through the last few months! Romance, health, money, paternal line “healing” — blech, “healing”, so trite, more like raw fucking inner alchemy. I’m shoveling up other people’s shit on the astral plane because they won’t fucking do it. But because I’m the one that came here to do it, here I am! I’m laughing at it now but I have also just been allowing myself to feel pissed lately. There’s plenty feel pissed off about! What a blessing the catalyst Anger is!
Either way, I am from now on accepting the fact that updating here will have periods of beautiful frequency in posting and periods of more quiet. I used to judge these periods of quiet, but I turn 40 years old at the end of next year. I cannot give a fuck about shame and judgement anymore. It is so boring and old and such a time suck and I am tired of it. It deafens experimentation and creative flow. I am no longer measuring my worth by my spiritual growth but how much I am just living my life and letting myself be, just as I am, moody, a bit messy, with poor executive function, and a masterful freeze response, but also a lot of incredible insight and a pretty funny way of delivering it, with some regularity, but also sometimes not!
I used to love having an online journal. Most people had livejournal, I mostly browsed there but never took to it the same way I ended up connecting with Diaryland. Anyone remember Diaryland? Just me? That’s fine. I updated it every day for years in high school. I don’t know how to find it anymore but god willing one day I do. I also had a Xanga and am of the age when updating to Facebook was more just like random thoughts and less marketing strategy and conservative grandmas.
My point is that I suck at strategy. I am very good at being me, though, I am discovering.
Yeshua has been walking with me a lot lately. He’s been coming through very clearly on my channel. He is a direct communicator. Gentle, strong, playful. He shows up in my tarot cards and through my friends and in endless synchronicities all day every day. Much like when I started teaching Reclaiming Christ in 2023.
Sooo, just saying there may be something in the Jesus-related realm wanting to speak to us all right now.
As I reconnect with Christ consciousness and Yeshua after my period of disillusionment with spirit, talking, laughing, I remember why I love spirituality in the first place. Knowing that the relationships I have created with the divine and the infinite are my own. I don’t need the approval of any mentor or priest or religion or institution. I honor and credit my teachers while also seeking my own intimacy with the great mystery of all that is.
TW: Jesus
When I first came across the Gnostic gospels in college, I didn’t have much of a concept of what it would look like to really connect to god without religion.
And honestly, I’m also excited to talk about Jesus again in a way that is not the born-again Christian trend that is gong around with so many former new age/spiritual/tarot/etc practitioners renouncing their work as witches and going back to capital-G Abrahamic God. I personally like teaching about Jesus having a body and using his body to train and to heal but also to make love, to explore the world, to teach us not through being a martyr but from being a man alive and breathing and literally training his students in quantum energetics and spell work through parables and, also, yes, sex magic.
That’s what I taught in Reclaiming Christ in 2023. The project was really more of a mystery school than a run of the mill course. I’ve been going over my notes for it over the last couple weeks and getting that tingly feeling I get when I’m excited to yap about something again. Plus, who am I to deny my friend Yeshua’s call?
Speaking of dealing with paternal line stuff (though, I work with Saturn more as a crone/elder/grandmother energy usually), I got a pretty sick tattoo recently. I’m Saturn-ruled, and a willing student of this most masterful teacher.
Every time I get a new tattoo, I feel more and more like myself. What a beautiful process.
You may have seen me post this in other places, but I launched a Gofundme recently to help pay for my car’s AC repairs and for me to get very important medical care! You can read more over on the Gofundme page :)
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